Aren’t you a happy little doggy!
Daddy has taken you for a walk on the beach hasn’t he! Lots to smell and dig and wee on isn’t there! Little doggy is having a great time isn’t he! No lead out here is there doggy? You can run in the dunes and splash in the sea and dig in the sand and chase the gulls and bark and bark and nobody say shutupdog! No they don’t!
What’s that doggy? You need to do a doggy-doo? Well feel free, just go wherever you want to! It doesn’t matter, you can just do what you did yesterday and just do a doggy-doo in the dunes. And the same as you did the day before yesterday, and the day before that. And then you can carry on smelling and running and wee-ing! In fact just go ahead and add another to the hundreds of little lumps of doggy-doo that Daddy has let you do on the beach in the last year. It’s ok, he is a proper Daddy and will clean up after you and dispose of your shit responsibly won’t he! Won’t he?
Of course not. Because you haven’t done it in the street little doggy, and because nobody can see you do it, he can just leave it where it pops out of your stinky doggy arse and move on! Yes he can. And so can most of the other doggy Daddies and Mummies on the beach! It’s easy! No plastic bags to worry about! No carrying stinky canine shits around with you! Just leave it on the beach or in the dunes several hundred times a year! Do the mathematics little doggy. Ten dogs a day (a conservative underestimation) 300 or so days a year and you have thousands of lumps of dog shit spread around the beach. I don’t blame you little doggy – just your stupid lazy ignorant self-centred bastard of a daddy. Thankyou so much dog owners, this end of town looks like shit, and thanks to you it regularly smells of shit. You shits.